Though Proverbs speaks of “grey hairs as a crown of splendor; attained by a righteous life” I don’t buy as much. I was freaking out a couple of weeks ago when I found a chunk of grey hairs– not just one, but several at the top of my scalp. Though I exclaimed loudly in the bathroom: ”I am too young for such!” the presence of grey hair remained the same. I realized that this moment was the first of many signs to come, I’m sure, reminding me of my mortality.
Thoughts like this stir up in me a desire to “hurry up and do something” or think about the big questions of life such as, “Am I making the best use of my resources? Am I doing all I can?” And, even questions of “When will I have gotten where I’m suppose to get (whatever this means)?”
Yet, when I sat with a group of strong, authentic and passionate fellow female pastors this w
eek at Sabbath House near Ashville, NC, I realized how easy it can be to become fixated on the wrong questions both in ministry and life.
Sure, we all want to know that we are doing what we should, what we can, and on our best days are making the best use of our best selves, but is this something that we can actually accomplish or conquer?
From my older colleagues by 10 or so years, I heard much about the mistakes of their 30s: too much trying to be in charge, too much worrying about those who appear to be powerful, and not enough living. With as much authority they could muster up, they said to my friends and I in our 30s: “What are you in a hurry so much about for?” “Meaning will come” and “Rest.”
It was the collective wisdom of those of this pastoral journey that is and already has gone ahead of me and that which will come behind me. It’s a spring of wisdom that I’m committed to gathering around on future retreats.
And, grey hairs I’m learning is just a part of the process. Lessons are learned. Faith is challenged. Doubts arise, but we keep on going. God seems to find a way to pour grace on it all.
But, in the meantime, I’ve quickly found the color bottle. I’m happy to report no more grey: it was the strong collective opinion of the crew that dusty blonde is really a better color for this head of mine . . . for now.
#1 by Maria on May 12, 2011 - 11:33 pm
I needed to hear this. Thanks.